Sheltering Your Child... from Politics to TikTok

When I was growing up, kids didn’t talk about politics. I honestly don't think that I even knew what political party with which my parents identified. To my recollection, the only thing that I knew was that my parents took voting seriously; they always made a point to exercise their right to vote. Out of curiosity one day, I remember asking my mom for whom she voted; my mom smiled but would not tell me. Her response to me was: “I want you to form your own opinion.” That simple response held a lot of weight, and it obviously resonated with me, considering that conversation has stuck with me for so long. I think that my mom’s response instilled a few things: it encouraged me to recognize my own autonomy, to use my own critical thinking skills, and to form my own opinion—not merely parrot my mom’s or my dad’s perspective on politics. It empowered me.

I am not sure if it is just that times have changed, that media has crammed polarized views down our throats, or that there is just much more political tension these days in general, but I have noticed that kids have absorbed (and become distressed) due to an awareness of politics over the past few years. I was working as a therapist in a school back when Hillary and Donald were both running for president. I had a 9-year-old client during that time say to me: “We are voting for Hillary.” I had to chuckle. At age 9, she was not voting for anyone. Kids are sponges—they absorb. Even when you think they are not paying attention, believe me—they often are! That can be good, such as when teaching kids values that you want them to emanate—kindness and honesty, for example. Kids mimic what they see, so if you want your child to exhibit kindness and honesty, let them see that through your own words and actions. That is why as a therapist I have often told a child client: “I will never lie to you.” Because I will not. Now, that does not mean that they need to know everything. One conversation that I will never have with a child client is about Santa Claus! That is above my pay grade!

It is okay to shelter kids from some things. I have seen young kids become distressed because someone was elected, that I can only assume their parent(s) did not want to be elected. I had one young child come in recently and vent about Putin. “Has anything been bothering you,” I asked. Her animated response made me chuckle inside: “Putin! Putin is bothering me!” Obviously, we cannot shelter kids from everything, but if a mature topic is going to distress a child, I believe it is best to minimize their exposure to that topic. It is hard enough at times to be a kid even within the world of just being a kid (think back to middle school!). Why make it any more stressful?

I would also like to address child and adolescent use of technology and, specifically, social media. My personal stance is the longer a parent can keep a child off of social media the better. Obviously related to my area of concern is the negative correlation with mental health. Social media usage amongst youth may be associated with the development of psychiatric disorders (for instance depression and suicide, anxiety, addiction, dysphoria), with also the potential for peer contagion and rapid onset of symptoms. Another risk is bullying----if a kid does not have a social media account, it is harder to be bullied. Not only is emotional safety a concern, but so is physical safety. I have had to talk with adolescent clients (and parents) about predatory risks involved with "friends" made through social media, sometimes halfway across the world. There are also reported cybersecurity risks involved with some sites, and even speculation that some sites steal and store users' biometric data. There is also the added factor that children and teens often do not think of consequences and often do not realize that anything that they post----anything----is out on the internet forever, whether it seems deleted or not.

Kids need to be kids. Kids should not need to worry about adult things. I am an advocate for kids playing outside, not on tablets all of the time. Kids learn so much by playing and interacting with other kids in real-world interactions, out in their neighborhoods or on sports teams. I encourage parents to be mindful of their child's video game content and duration. Excessive video game usage may be indicative of an unhealthy coping mechanism, used as an escape from reality or as "self--medication" to stimulate a dopamine release in the brain (especially a concern for kids with ADHD). Social media, also, has a connection to a dopamine spike in the brain, but can also lead to a crash that can turn into a spiral of negative emotions. Encourage your child to play with friends outside instead of online. Real-world interactions help kids learn emotional skills, social skills, team-building skills, conflict resolution skills—so many life skills.

Ultimately, kids are growing up faster and faster due to many factors, but mostly due to exposure to unnecessary information and mature content. Minimizing kids’ exposure to the news, the internet, social media, video games, mature content, and even adult conversations within the home, can really minimize a child’s exposure to stress. Encouraging your children to play outside with friends, to learn through age-appropriate experiences and real-world peer interactions, and to enjoy nature and the sunlight and being outdoors—these are all things that can help a kid just be a kid, not a kid that grows up too fast. There will be plenty of time for them to be an adult. Encourage them to just be a kid.

Melaina Neyer Garrison, LMFT