Couples
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Christian Marital Therapy
As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have specialized training and experience working with multiple people in the room, observing and managing interactional patterns, facilitating effective communication, and helping couples create a graceful “dance” that strengthens the marital bond.
I work with pre-marital and married couples utilizing a Christian perspective. My approach is based on the Christian premise that a marriage is meant to reflect the trinity here on earth, with God at the top of the marital triad. I have seen the most successful couples take on the form of two differentiated persons who continue to grow individually while also growing together, who lovingly and humbly challenge each other, and who help each other become better versions of themselves. This also tremendously benefits any children involved, when the parental bond is strengthened and the children are able to see respectful communication and conflict resolution between the parents.
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Through my clinical experience I have found that the two best predictors of a healthy marriage are:
1) selflessness, and 2) open, honest, and respectful communication. In marriage, we are called to reflect God's love to our spouse. Love is selfless and includes sacrifice and humility. When both people put their own ego aside and put their spouse first, one does not need to focus on their own self because their spouse is doing that for them. I have seen relationships become lop-sided, when one or both people are putting themselves first. This is often a self-defense mechanism, trying to protect oneself from more hurt. But we are not meant to protect ourselves from our spouse, yet instead called to be in union with our spouse, which means being vulnerable with our spouse. True intimacy occurs when we can be vulnerable with our spouse and feel confident that our spouse loves us unconditionally. It is up to each person to make efforts to show their spouse that they are loved unconditionally, to reflect God's unconditional love.
The best divorce prevention starts with practicing selflessness: choosing your spouse over yourself. Selfishness destroys a marital bond. I encourage couples to each reflect upon what they can change within themselves to better the relationship, not focus on changing the other person. Acknowledging that it takes two people to contribute to the current state of the relationship is the first step to changing the song of the couples' current "dance" into a more enjoyable and fulfilling one. This takes honest and open communication to help each other understand one's needs and desires. I aim to help heal old wounds that are often unknowingly brought into the relationship and discover how those wounds may have contributed to the formation of new wounds. The end goal is to help the couple dissolve the hurt from those wounds and foster a newly strengthened foundation to further build upon----to help the couple live the marriage that God intended it to be.
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